我以为
我可以若无其事
原来
我高估了自己

a lot of people told me that i've changed a lot since the start of this semester.
i am conscious about it and i've tried to maintain the changes that i've made in myself.


i no longer a short-tempered person.
i tell myself to keep, keep all the anger only to myself.
i become an emotional person.
i cry, i cry a lot in front of those i loved.


i am just so-not-zoe.
some say i've grown up to be maturer.
some say it's a good change in me.
some say i've came to know the real facts of life.
i don't want.
seriously.
it is just so weird to not to be myself.


i've learned a lot throughout this period of time.
though this sem hasn't come to an end yet...
i've learned a lot, a lot.
relationship with God, family, friends...
i stumble a lot, and it hurts.
i chose to keep it all, i chose to learn, i chose to let go...


mermaids say i am no longer the zoe they know.
i am kind of like detached from them.
the kind of life we used to enjoyed, indulged in.
no longer mine.
they are just so far far away from me, in a way.
still, we're besties ever.
still, they love me and pamper me as how i do to them.


i am miserable.
in front of crossroads, deciding which are the roads that shouldn't have to be taken.
someone please, decide for me.

我，不是

人群中哭着
我只想变成透明的颜色
我再也不会梦或痛或心动了
我已经决定了


我静静忍着
紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
回忆越是甜就是越伤人越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割


我不是真正的快乐
我的笑只是我穿的保护色
我决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把我的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳


这世界笑了
于是我合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是我的选择
于是我含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着


我不是真正的快乐
我的伤从不肯完全的愈合
为什么失去了 还要被惩罚
能不能就让悲伤全部结束
在此刻 重新开始活着

你, 不知道

你常问我开心吗
你不知道
你的笑容牵着我的嘴角


你常问我为什么难过
你不知道
你的难过充满我的眼里


你常叫我休息
你不知道
你的疲惫让我难受


看见你皱起的眉头
你不知道
你的生气让我担心


看不见你想念你
你不知道
我扬起嘴角眼泪笑了

原来

天使的翅膀 假的

我的眼泪 真的

原来

我也可以伪装

我可以假装坚强

原来

戴面具

一点都不难

我不会 再相信

life's never been easy since i entered year 2.
hectic la. hectic sangat.


had not been resting properly for past few days cos of assignments.
we've drafted all of the assignments' outlines and plannings but not much actual progress loh.

rory said he really loves our group this time. well. four of us in the same group for three assignments. wishing for the best la.

frankly speaking, all of us are still at the stage of getting to know each other more especially with
a new member in our group this time.

my life is basically about assignments, msn, mcd's and movies recently.
those are what we do when four of us get together, instead of really getting our fingers on assignments >.< cool not? it's kind of wasting our time, no offense la group members.


managed to take a break from everything last saturday.
went hiking with natalie and andrew's bunch of friends.

-bukit tabur-

it was at first a mission impossible for us. and it was really challenging la *swt*
we really thank God that we managed to get through it.
we, people of no training, know nothing about hiking, challenged one of the most dangerous mountains in kl. there were a few parts in the expedition where were really dangerous.
and yet, we made it, by the grace of God (=
thank andrew for the song, 'i see grace', that he played throughout the journey..it provided me strength and reminded me of the fullness of God's grace.
thank natalie for accompanying me^^ heart her so much!

a lot of people find that it is hard to get along with me.


zoe the gold digger.
zoe the cruel ever classmate.
zoe the impatient one.
zoe the fugly who complains a lot.
zoe the rubbish who has big mood swings.


well.
who cares?
love me or hate me.
get along with me or get lost!


i do not need anyone to judge my life.


judge me again and i'll make sure you fall flat in front of me

xp