Wednesday, December 31, 2008

bits of da day.

it's 31st DECEMBER!!

few more hours to 2009~
narhh. im not that excited after all.
but anticipating the date tonight. muahahaha.
we talked bout it during cg last night.
new year new dreams new resolutions.
anyways, it was a splendid time at chris&carol's place^^
wilson's cheese cake, nougats, guitar hero, our disneyland dreams~
it has been a while since i last attended cg.
felt the family warmth which i've been missing for quite sometimes.
never too busy for God ^^


toooddooooo~
had splendid time with chloe too.
haha.
had fun shopping with you la lil girl!
this was the second time we shopped TOGETHER in kl.
started to miss you already loooo..
you're still as cute as ever.
*cubit*
friendly reminder: do not eat too much in penang! D-I-E-T!
LOL.


only managed to buy a few pieces of outfits this time.
chloe too! hehe.
i think we have better taste...and fahion outlets in kl are just so sien.
i hate belts!
but i think i gonna get one since my cny gonna be in kl >.<

very auntie and pyjamas look mehhh?!?
justen even asked me to burn them if i've already bought them. wtf.
aihhh. sien. what else i can buy~
tshirts mehh! how boring!

and and and..
went sunway for Wendy's!!
it's just so omg! HAHA.
had it for both my lunch and dinner.
heard that we have it in the new jusco in Setiawangsa.
*jumping around*
no need to go so hell far to eat my Wendy's!

*saliva-ing again*
heart Wendy's so much!

Friday, December 26, 2008

海角。七号


留下来,或者我跟你走!

去了一趟戏院,看了一场动人的电影。
好久好久,没有那么地感动。
一部动人心弦的电影。
《海角七号》

电影情节里的七封情书,横跨了时间的局限。
经过了60年,才到了曾经深爱的女孩的手里。
那种深切又不得已的爱,很动人。

很喜欢其中一句

‘我不是要放弃你,我是不舍得你’


我的心
还沉浸在那带着淡淡凄美的海角七号情节里





















乱写心情很乱

感觉 难以捉摸
开心 可以伪装
难过 你给我的
失落 不曾离开
喜欢 如果可以

很多时候 喜欢上一个人
那一刹那 就以为是永远
原来 不是


最近喜欢上了一个不应该喜欢的人
至少他是这样对我说
我不明白什么叫做不应该喜欢
喜欢就是喜欢
不喜欢就是不喜欢
我以前放弃过一次
后悔了
我现在不想再后悔多一次
我错了吗

我只要他快乐
好像很难
不管我做什么都会惹他生气
我发现跟我在一起他很难快乐起来
或许我是错的那一个


昨天和月依谈了下下
才发现原来我闷了自己很久
月依问我为什么把自己的感情弄得那么乱
我也很乱觉得自己很错
受伤也没关系我自己的选择
我好像是真的笨

笨蛋和鲨鱼最近比较谈得来
是不是变成了朋友
彼此也会变得诚实一点
谈了好多好多
发现鲨鱼成熟了好多
鲨鱼告诉笨蛋
他只要一个普通简单的女朋友
笨蛋是有钱人家的女儿
鲨鱼的压力很大
所以他们不可以再继续下去
让笨蛋很无奈


有时候
我难过
真的难过

找一个
懂我的人
真的很难
我可不可以弃权吖

Thursday, December 25, 2008

this year's christmas, not so merry after all.
presents, are not exactly what i want.

kind of VERY disappointed when i get to know that i can't go home for cny.
guess that makes my christmas mood totally gone.
i miss granny. i miss every moment i spent with my family.
won't get to meet my mermaids again. wtf.

i am just so not me, anymore.
i wanted to go home...
if it was me, i would have told my mum that whatever the fck it is, i WANT to go home.
if it was me, i wouldn't have cancelled the airtickets and insisted to go home.
if it was me, i would have just screamed in the phone.
i am so not me.


christmas, soon to an end of a year.
i always wanted to end my year with a thanksgiving heart.
guess that i need to try hard this time.


i've been kinda emo for the past few days.

stripping off masks is never easy. im tired.
im not going to do it anymore.
im just gonna be whoever everyone wants me to be.
anything la.
i dont care.

Monday, December 22, 2008

i am done!

so done.
with xmas shopping!
=^^=
HAHA.

bought myself quite a lot of stuffs.
...........................................................
2 purses.
2 dresses.
a pair of sneakers.
plenty of tops and pants.
2 shoulderbags.
a cotton grey jacket.
a military-alike blazer.
a gold diamond heartshape bracelet. (heart this one the most!)
...........................................................

aisehhh...it was like almost 3months ago since i really shopped leh.
im no longer so branded anymore compared to how i used to be.
feel a bit detached from my dazzled mermaids nohh! (>.<'') depressed-ing. im just so far away from prada gucci Lv chanel~ bought a lot of presents as well. for loved ones, precious ones..cute ones!

my table is stuffed with presents presents and presents! feel so contented and happy whenever i see them.


though they are all bought with money, im happy when i know that the person who is going to receive it is going to give me a big bright smile. ( you better smile la! )



a season of giving.
a season of sharing.
a season of love.


*anticipating Xmas!*
was browsing through some old stuffs.

and found this in my old blog. a nice piece which i wrote long ago.

reading through it freshens my memory of the very moment i wrote it.

just a lil bit of sharing of thoughts.





find someone who will...

kiss you just before the traffic light turns green.

close his eyes when he hugs you.

patiently wait for you after class or after work.

smell your hair every chance he gets.

wipe your sweat with his hanky.

sing your favorite song even if he can’t carry a tune

let you rest over his shoulder.

let you sleep on his lap.

give you the first and last bite of his burger.

squeeze your hand tighter when you squeezed his.





find someone who occupies your dream every night.

and when you find him never let him go.





have you found that someone?

pre-CHRISTmas.


CHRISTMAS' COMING!

i am looking forward to it..
uhm-uhm-uhm
countdown-ing everyday

-2 days to CHRISTmas celebration-
-3 days to CHRISTmas-

HAHA.


i anticipate CHRISTmas once the year started.
i still remember.. last year's CHRISTmas projekt.

*fun-caroling in section2*

celebration in church.

we had fun though.




CHRISTmas,
it's a season of giving mahh~

when there is giving, there will be receiving too!
correct not?

i always remind myself that i am just so richly blessed to be a blessing to others.
( i supposed i am la~ *thick skin-ing* )

of course it's more that presents, santa claus, reindeers and chimneys..

CHRISTmas,
it's about our beloved J-E-S-U-S!
He gave us the greatest present of all.
He gave us His life, His life was and is dedicated for all of us...
He loves us, far before we know Him.
He sacrificed, for us.
He shed His blood for us.
who's HE?
my JESUS la..

love love love.


this year's church CHRISTmas celebration gonna be a massive one.
hiakhiak.
we gonna have it at hotel~
a place where i actually quite attached to.. weird hor~
3years of mti over there and we gonna have CHRISTmas celebration there this year!

yoohooo~

aiseh.
can't wait!


*anticipating*

Sunday, December 21, 2008

so emo.

weare.
notmeanttobe.

yeahithinkimwrong.
sowrongfromthebegining.
thoughgivingupissonotzoe.
thatswhatigonnadoiguess.
imtired.
sorry.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Graduateeesss *envy-ing*

my loviee fresh-grad mermaids (V)
*wolfwhistlessss*


(V) lydiaaa (V)
still look as smart as ever.

(V) Sophiaaa (V)
still look as cute as ever!

edwin-da-filthy-rich!




well.
i wanted to be there.
i wish i was there.
next coming up is pammie's.
valentines day of 2009.
*thinking hard*
HAHA.










Thursday, December 18, 2008

不是每只船 都不怕流浪的孤单
可是它们仍扬起帆 因为心中有个彼岸
也许有些路 注定要一个人走完
所以背包总是塞满 你所有温暖
很暖
原来你一直在我身边 不管距离多麽遥远
就算乌云在眼睛里不散 你的笑容让我灿烂
原来你就在我的身边 不管时间怎麽疏远
所以就算我飞上了云端 只要想像你住在我心里
我就心安
不是每片叶 都不怕坠落的遗憾
可是它们仍然飞翔 因为身後树的期盼
也许有些梦 做起来才知道很难
可是一想到为了你 眼睛就不会流汗
周定纬的‘远在身边’
很美的词
诉说了我的心声
有些人就一直酱默默陪伴在左右
很多时候我都忽略了
一直到停下了脚步
才发现
原来 好多好多人都好爱我
活着,是幸福的。
在太阳底下的我 灿烂地笑着。

surprise for Glam Fresh Grads!

miss my mermaids muchie muchie.

today's sophie and lydee's big day!

here comes the very memorable piece of all of us...

pre-graduation surprise? specially dedicated to soph and lyd!!
i guess so... and since we're all in a gang, i shall include others as well..



here comes the not-so-glam moments of mermaids who always look GLAM GLAM GLAM!


*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*



the forever big sista~ june the godzilla!


(p/s:thanks to those ewwkk high school pics in facebook. fcuk u! here comes my revenge! muahahaha.)





da drama queen~ my forever classmate cum mermaid!




the most-manja-ever~ close-to-heart huihui!






passionate photographer ever~ lovviieee diadia!







da hobbit-fashionista aka gold-digger~ my chanel gucci Lv prada sophiaaa!




miss ya all much.

expecting something else for graduation?

LOL*

i remember gah.

*big fat kisses*

love love.





p/s: wannabesss out there! ( if YOU happen to come across this post)

the mermaids still remember those lame rumors y'all been talking about.

GO AND GET A BRAIN YOU MONKEYS!


(omg, we're still so not over those things yet. LOL* rite, mermaids?)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

(=

i keep my masks with me

wherever i may go

in case i need to disguise

so the real me doesn’t show

i’m so afraid to show you me

afraid of what you’ll do

that you might laugh or say mean things

i’m afraid i might lose you.




i’d like to remove all my masks

to show you the real true me

but i want you to try and understand

i need you to accept what you see

so if you’ll be patient and close your eyes

i’ll strip off all my masks real slow

please understand how much it hurts

to let the real me show.




now my masks are all stripped off

i feel naked, bare and cold

and if you still like me with all that you see

you are my friend, pure as gold

i need to save my masks though

i want to keep them handy

in case someone doesn’t understand





so please protect me

my dear friend

and thanks for liking me true

but please let me keep my masks with me

until i like me, too.

Monday, December 15, 2008

remain thankful.

i'm thankful for the medical bills i paid
because it means i have enough of financial blessings.
i'm thankful for the amoxicillin i took
because it means pyelonephritis is still under control.
i’m thankful for the mess to clean after a party
because it means i have been surrounded by friends.

i’m thankful for the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means i have enough to eat.
i’m thankful for my shadow who watches me work
because it means i am out in the sunshine.

i’m thankful for a floor that needs sweeping, windows that need cleaning
because it means i have a home.

i’m thankful for all the complaining i hear about our government
because it means we have freedom of speech.

i’m thankful for the spot i find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means i am capable of walking.

i’m thankful for the lady behind me in church who sings off key
because it means that i can hear.
i’m thankful for the piles of laundry
because it means i have clothes to wear.
i’m thankful for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means i have been productive.
i’m thankful for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means that i’m alive.

Friday, December 12, 2008

他她

他的抱歉 她不需要
他的谅解 离她好远
他的难过 在她眼里

她的眼浅 他不喜欢
她的糊涂 他很讨厌
她的眼泪 他看不到


昨天在他们之间
留下了裂痕
遗失 受伤
她也很难过
一句不要紧 一个拥抱
原来很奢侈
她现在才知道

他的不开心
他的眉头深锁
让她也开心不起来
她会担心 但他不知道

翘课 淋雨 跛脚
都不要紧
为的只是他的微笑

窗外的雨停了
对他的想念 没有停过
闭上眼 数到三
他依旧 没有出现

Thursday, December 11, 2008

another sleepless night. a better one, at least i am not alone. kylie is still awake, doing her assignment. keeping me companion.

nightmares. yeah, haunted by nightmares. woke up sobbing. maybe i am just too tired recently. not so sober anymore.

smsed jojo, not going to college. gonna skip today's classes. i need a break, from everything, eagerly. still...feel like going home. going home might not even be one of the ways out from the chaos but at least i feel safe. home is always my shelter from everything, that's what i think.

i thought, this sem would be a better one. at least i won't be so emo anymore. guess that i'm wrong. i've learned to keep, everything, by wearing layers of masks. that's why, i guess. tearing down my layers of protection weakens me, in a way.

today's my last day of medication, i should be happy. finally, bye to pyelonephritis, bye to amoxicillin and antibiotics. no more needles and pains. i praise Him who gives and takes away.
two years, long enough to let me see who cares and who don't.


life changed. last year was a life-changing downturn for me. life's not the same, anymore. i try not to miss the old life, not so much at least. the passing away of my niece struck me down, miss florence, still. miss shawn, too. sometimes i just don't understand why such awful things happened, but somehow, i still managed to give thanks and i know that's not the end yet.

i need to grow, that's what people say. i need to be tough, that's what people tell me.
i need to learn and i tried, still trying.

*yawn* gonna go back to bed, chaos.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

a prayer for today

Father,

You have given us freedom of choice.
today, Daddy, i ask that You may grant me wisdom, to choose.
i ask of a crystal clear heart to see.
i need a sober sound mind to decide.
Daddy, teach me because Your ways are forever higher than mine, i ask of Your will to be done rather than mine.
You know what is ahead of me and You are the one who knows what is the best for me.
i thank You that i am still able to open my eyes and look at this beautiful world of Yours today.
i thank You that i am still able to breathe, to think, to walk and to type.
i thank You that i still have a day ahead of me, whether it is a good one or not.
i give thanks, for all the loved one's that You've put in the path of my life.
i give thanks, for the people around me.
i give thanks, for all the circumstances that are yet to come, good ones, bad ones, every of it is a reminder of You are the God who is in control and i shall not fear. You are my shelter in the storms, my comfort in the chaos, my peace in the raging sea.
God, i surrender, everything that is in my heart. i commit fully into Your hands.
i promise, and i will keep it.

p/s: Daddy, can i ask for christmas presents? let's discuss about it privately, between us only.
love You, Dad, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

XOXOXO!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

我不要讲骗话

昨天在他家,从于原本的讨论assignment变成玩jengga。>.<
~我们也几厉害一下~
输的人要选择truth or dare。
我最不喜欢的游戏。


我被问到一个很够力的问题
'when is the last time you lie to us?'
很无奈。
一个问题,要三个答案。
更厉害的是...要当着每个人的面讲。


我选择,不坦白。
不要怪我。

我不是没有讲过骗话,而是不想让大家难堪。
看到我们的关系跌到冰点,快乐吗?
我希望答案是否定的。


*** *** ***

最近,我的emo又回来找我。
发生了很多事,很乱。
才发现,有些决定,是错的。
当你把别人当交心的朋友,人家不一定是酱想。
最终,最安全的还是家。

在kL的这几年,学会了很多。
我学会了戴面具过日子。
不容易,很辛苦,必须要。

回家,最近一直在考虑。
家,始终是我唯一的靠岸。
我累了。
你不知道。

thoughts.

it started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word
wnd then that word grew louder and louder

just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never been this way before
all you can do is try to know who your friends are
as you head off to the war
pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light

now we're back to the beginning
it's just a feeling and no one knows yet
but just because they can't feel it too
doesn't mean that you have to forget



cut and paste from regina spektor's 'the call'.
got this song long ago, used to love it much.
'tll this morning, justen sent me this song again...it reminds me of a lot of things.
had a lil talk with him and found out that i've lost myself, long ago.
still, love the lyrics.
do you see what i see? do you hear what i hear?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Father,

im tired.
exhausted.
pull me out of this valley can ah?


ahhh..nevermind. maybe i'm just too tired.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

5.25am.
stuck with ethics assignment.
sigh.
i know my fingers supposed to be on my assignment but not here.
but..i am just so sien >.<


thanks to rory who had been by my side all along since last night.
rushed here since he knew that i was sick and helped me to finished most of my parts.
i am really thankful of him.
and i shouldn't have fall sick. i feel so so so guilty!
rested for the entire yesterday till now and i feel even worse. fcuk.
whats wrong with me?!?!
it's all medicine's fault! >.<


a lot of not-so-good things happened recently.
more than i could take.
a lot of people told me that i should just rely on God...
yeah, just fully rely totally surrender.
i am trying my best loh.
homesick weii. kinda useless la me, and i know la...
the thoughts of running away from everything and go home will just appear again and again whenever things are out of control in life.
i did it before, and perhaps, i would disappear again. haha.
maybe la. home is always the shelter mah.


kinda lost touch with buddies recently.
aih.
miss the time we spent together so much.
been able to update myself a bit with the one in switzerland.
happy la budak tu, miss her much.
the forever big sister since we were in primary school. haha.
and while we were chatting in msn, she reminded me of something.

xxxxxx

Sui Yun Law says:
u sure kah?
Sui Yun Law says:
cakap saja pandai
Sui Yun Law says:
kau lama tak balik
Sui Yun Law says:
selalu tak balik
Sui Yun Law says:
=.=
Sui Yun Law says:
u punya rumah sudah pindah ke kl

xxxxxx

it sounds more like scolding horr...
makes me kind of guilty. kinda flew her lots of aeroplanes in the past few years.
wasn't able to go home after i promised her, almost everytime.
hmmm...i have gone home for 4 times for the past 4 years.
and i did not go home at all for the past one year. >.<
aisehh.. ku akan balik rumah very often ok?
don't boycott me la u all!


nahh..time to get back to assignment.
i am thankful, for all the great people who create great moments together with me in my life.
*smile big big*


loves loves.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

be strong

somebody once told me…

“be strong. remember, not everything has a happy ending and endings don’t mean stop! it’s just a way of telling us that there’s a new beginning ahead of us. you should always be ready for the unpredictable and expect the unexpected. it’s easy to fall, hard to get up. but once you’re up and back on track, you will be a better person. that’s the way of life! you don’t just live it, you learn from it.”


i am still learning, to be a better person, a person who meets my parents' expectations.
i am still learning, to accept things and people which i hate the most in the past.
i am still learning, to smile, smile like how i used to... miss the smiling zoe, very much.

Monday, December 1, 2008

just came back from airport.
safe and sound.
lol.
was kinda sleepy this morning when i drove to the airport.
wonder how could a just-woke-up zoe drive worr..
by God's grace^^ and naggings from the passenger at the passenger seat loh>.<
my first time driving all the way to klia...wheeewhh!
HAPPY lahh!
finally im able to prove that im a 'capable' driver.
exclude those yawnings and speeding parts la..


did not really spend much time with sis during her stay in kl.
aissehh. i started to miss her the moment she stepped into the immigration hall.
able to catch up a wee bit with her during our 2hours waiting at the airport.
she has grown up, a lot.
no longer that lil girl that i know...mature liao loh!
the way she dealing with people, handling stuffs are much better as well^^
i am a proud sis. HAHA.
kinda homesick now. aih.
miss daddy mummy and everyone else.
eating breakfast alone, in front of my lappy, typing this...
pathetic hor >.<


gotta have assignment discussions later.
P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C loh!
so no life.