bits of da day.

it's 31st DECEMBER!!

few more hours to 2009~
narhh. im not that excited after all.
but anticipating the date tonight. muahahaha.
we talked bout it during cg last night.
new year new dreams new resolutions.
anyways, it was a splendid time at chris&carol's place^^
wilson's cheese cake, nougats, guitar hero, our disneyland dreams~
it has been a while since i last attended cg.
felt the family warmth which i've been missing for quite sometimes.
never too busy for God ^^


toooddooooo~
had splendid time with chloe too.
haha.
had fun shopping with you la lil girl!
this was the second time we shopped TOGETHER in kl.
started to miss you already loooo..
you're still as cute as ever.
*cubit*
friendly reminder: do not eat too much in penang! D-I-E-T!
LOL.


only managed to buy a few pieces of outfits this time.
chloe too! hehe.
i think we have better taste...and fahion outlets in kl are just so sien.
i hate belts!
but i think i gonna get one since my cny gonna be in kl >.<

very auntie and pyjamas look mehhh?!?
justen even asked me to burn them if i've already bought them. wtf.
aihhh. sien. what else i can buy~
tshirts mehh! how boring!

and and and..
went sunway for Wendy's!!
it's just so omg! HAHA.
had it for both my lunch and dinner.
heard that we have it in the new jusco in Setiawangsa.
*jumping around*
no need to go so hell far to eat my Wendy's!

*saliva-ing again*
heart Wendy's so much!

海角。七号

留下来，或者我跟你走！

去了一趟戏院，看了一场动人的电影。
好久好久，没有那么地感动。
一部动人心弦的电影。
《海角七号》

电影情节里的七封情书，横跨了时间的局限。
经过了60年，才到了曾经深爱的女孩的手里。
那种深切又不得已的爱，很动人。

很喜欢其中一句

‘我不是要放弃你，我是不舍得你’


我的心
还沉浸在那带着淡淡凄美的海角七号情节里

乱写心情很乱

感觉 难以捉摸
开心 可以伪装
难过 你给我的
失落 不曾离开
喜欢 如果可以

很多时候 喜欢上一个人
那一刹那 就以为是永远
原来 不是


最近喜欢上了一个不应该喜欢的人
至少他是这样对我说
我不明白什么叫做不应该喜欢
喜欢就是喜欢
不喜欢就是不喜欢
我以前放弃过一次
后悔了
我现在不想再后悔多一次
我错了吗

我只要他快乐
好像很难
不管我做什么都会惹他生气
我发现跟我在一起他很难快乐起来
或许我是错的那一个


昨天和月依谈了下下
才发现原来我闷了自己很久
月依问我为什么把自己的感情弄得那么乱
我也很乱觉得自己很错
受伤也没关系我自己的选择
我好像是真的笨

笨蛋和鲨鱼最近比较谈得来
是不是变成了朋友
彼此也会变得诚实一点
谈了好多好多
发现鲨鱼成熟了好多
鲨鱼告诉笨蛋
他只要一个普通简单的女朋友
笨蛋是有钱人家的女儿
鲨鱼的压力很大
所以他们不可以再继续下去
让笨蛋很无奈


有时候
我难过
真的难过

找一个
懂我的人
真的很难
我可不可以弃权吖

this year's christmas, not so merry after all.
presents, are not exactly what i want.

kind of VERY disappointed when i get to know that i can't go home for cny.
guess that makes my christmas mood totally gone.
i miss granny. i miss every moment i spent with my family.
won't get to meet my mermaids again. wtf.

i am just so not me, anymore.
i wanted to go home...
if it was me, i would have told my mum that whatever the fck it is, i WANT to go home.
if it was me, i wouldn't have cancelled the airtickets and insisted to go home.
if it was me, i would have just screamed in the phone.
i am so not me.


christmas, soon to an end of a year.
i always wanted to end my year with a thanksgiving heart.
guess that i need to try hard this time.


i've been kinda emo for the past few days.

stripping off masks is never easy. im tired.
im not going to do it anymore.
im just gonna be whoever everyone wants me to be.
anything la.
i dont care.

i am done!

so done.
with xmas shopping!
=^^=
HAHA.

bought myself quite a lot of stuffs.
...........................................................
2 purses.
2 dresses.
a pair of sneakers.
plenty of tops and pants.
2 shoulderbags.
a cotton grey jacket.
a military-alike blazer.
a gold diamond heartshape bracelet. (heart this one the most!)
...........................................................

aisehhh...it was like almost 3months ago since i really shopped leh.
im no longer so branded anymore compared to how i used to be.
feel a bit detached from my dazzled mermaids nohh! (>.<'') depressed-ing. im just so far away from prada gucci Lv chanel~ bought a lot of presents as well. for loved ones, precious ones..cute ones!

my table is stuffed with presents presents and presents! feel so contented and happy whenever i see them.

though they are all bought with money, im happy when i know that the person who is going to receive it is going to give me a big bright smile. ( you better smile la! )

a season of giving.
a season of sharing.
a season of love.

*anticipating Xmas!*

was browsing through some old stuffs.

and found this in my old blog. a nice piece which i wrote long ago.

reading through it freshens my memory of the very moment i wrote it.

just a lil bit of sharing of thoughts.





find someone who will...

kiss you just before the traffic light turns green.

close his eyes when he hugs you.

patiently wait for you after class or after work.

smell your hair every chance he gets.

wipe your sweat with his hanky.

sing your favorite song even if he can’t carry a tune

let you rest over his shoulder.

let you sleep on his lap.

give you the first and last bite of his burger.

squeeze your hand tighter when you squeezed his.





find someone who occupies your dream every night.

and when you find him never let him go.





have you found that someone?

pre-CHRISTmas.

CHRISTMAS' COMING!

i am looking forward to it..
uhm-uhm-uhm
countdown-ing everyday

-2 days to CHRISTmas celebration-
-3 days to CHRISTmas-

HAHA.


i anticipate CHRISTmas once the year started.
i still remember.. last year's CHRISTmas projekt.

*fun-caroling in section2*

celebration in church.

we had fun though.

CHRISTmas,
it's a season of giving mahh~

when there is giving, there will be receiving too!
correct not?

i always remind myself that i am just so richly blessed to be a blessing to others.
( i supposed i am la~ *thick skin-ing* )

of course it's more that presents, santa claus, reindeers and chimneys..

CHRISTmas,
it's about our beloved J-E-S-U-S!
He gave us the greatest present of all.
He gave us His life, His life was and is dedicated for all of us...
He loves us, far before we know Him.
He sacrificed, for us.
He shed His blood for us.
who's HE?
my JESUS la..

love love love.


this year's church CHRISTmas celebration gonna be a massive one.
hiakhiak.
we gonna have it at hotel~
a place where i actually quite attached to.. weird hor~
3years of mti over there and we gonna have CHRISTmas celebration there this year!

yoohooo~

aiseh.
can't wait!

*anticipating*

so emo.

weare.
notmeanttobe.

yeahithinkimwrong.
sowrongfromthebegining.
thoughgivingupissonotzoe.
thatswhatigonnadoiguess.
imtired.
sorry.

Graduateeesss *envy-ing*

my loviee fresh-grad mermaids (V)

*wolfwhistlessss*

(V) lydiaaa (V)
still look as smart as ever.

(V) Sophiaaa (V)
still look as cute as ever!

edwin-da-filthy-rich!

well.

i wanted to be there.

i wish i was there.

next coming up is pammie's.

valentines day of 2009.

*thinking hard*

HAHA.

不是每只船 都不怕流浪的孤单

可是它们仍扬起帆 因为心中有个彼岸

也许有些路 注定要一个人走完

所以背包总是塞满 你所有温暖

很暖

原来你一直在我身边 不管距离多麽遥远

就算乌云在眼睛里不散 你的笑容让我灿烂
原来你就在我的身边 不管时间怎麽疏远

所以就算我飞上了云端 只要想像你住在我心里

我就心安

不是每片叶 都不怕坠落的遗憾

可是它们仍然飞翔 因为身後树的期盼

也许有些梦 做起来才知道很难

可是一想到为了你 眼睛就不会流汗

周定纬的‘远在身边’

很美的词

诉说了我的心声

有些人就一直酱默默陪伴在左右

很多时候我都忽略了

一直到停下了脚步

才发现

原来 好多好多人都好爱我

活着，是幸福的。

在太阳底下的我 灿烂地笑着。

surprise for Glam Fresh Grads!

miss my mermaids muchie muchie.

today's sophie and lydee's big day!

here comes the very memorable piece of all of us...

pre-graduation surprise? specially dedicated to soph and lyd!!
i guess so... and since we're all in a gang, i shall include others as well..



here comes the not-so-glam moments of mermaids who always look GLAM GLAM GLAM!

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

the forever big sista~ june the godzilla!

(p/s:thanks to those ewwkk high school pics in facebook. fcuk u! here comes my revenge! muahahaha.)

da drama queen~ my forever classmate cum mermaid!

the most-manja-ever~ close-to-heart huihui!

passionate photographer ever~ lovviieee diadia!

da hobbit-fashionista aka gold-digger~ my chanel gucci Lv prada sophiaaa!

miss ya all much.

expecting something else for graduation?

LOL*

i remember gah.

*big fat kisses*

love love.

p/s: wannabesss out there! ( if YOU happen to come across this post)

the mermaids still remember those lame rumors y'all been talking about.

GO AND GET A BRAIN YOU MONKEYS!

(omg, we're still so not over those things yet. LOL* rite, mermaids?)

(=

i keep my masks with me

wherever i may go

in case i need to disguise

so the real me doesn’t show

i’m so afraid to show you me

afraid of what you’ll do

that you might laugh or say mean things

i’m afraid i might lose you.




i’d like to remove all my masks

to show you the real true me

but i want you to try and understand

i need you to accept what you see

so if you’ll be patient and close your eyes

i’ll strip off all my masks real slow

please understand how much it hurts

to let the real me show.




now my masks are all stripped off

i feel naked, bare and cold

and if you still like me with all that you see

you are my friend, pure as gold

i need to save my masks though

i want to keep them handy

in case someone doesn’t understand





so please protect me

my dear friend

and thanks for liking me true

but please let me keep my masks with me

until i like me, too.

remain thankful.

i'm thankful for the medical bills i paid

because it means i have enough of financial blessings.

i'm thankful for the amoxicillin i took

because it means pyelonephritis is still under control.

i’m thankful for the mess to clean after a party

because it means i have been surrounded by friends.

i’m thankful for the clothes that fit a little too snug

because it means i have enough to eat.

i’m thankful for my shadow who watches me work

because it means i am out in the sunshine.

i’m thankful for a floor that needs sweeping, windows that need cleaning

because it means i have a home.

i’m thankful for all the complaining i hear about our government

because it means we have freedom of speech.

i’m thankful for the spot i find at the far end of the parking lot

because it means i am capable of walking.

i’m thankful for the lady behind me in church who sings off key

because it means that i can hear.

i’m thankful for the piles of laundry

because it means i have clothes to wear.

i’m thankful for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day

because it means i have been productive.

i’m thankful for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours

because it means that i’m alive.

他她

他的抱歉 她不需要
他的谅解 离她好远
他的难过 在她眼里

她的眼浅 他不喜欢
她的糊涂 他很讨厌
她的眼泪 他看不到


昨天在他们之间
留下了裂痕
遗失 受伤
她也很难过
一句不要紧 一个拥抱
原来很奢侈
她现在才知道

他的不开心
他的眉头深锁
让她也开心不起来
她会担心 但他不知道

翘课 淋雨 跛脚
都不要紧
为的只是他的微笑

窗外的雨停了
对他的想念 没有停过
闭上眼 数到三
他依旧 没有出现

another sleepless night. a better one, at least i am not alone. kylie is still awake, doing her assignment. keeping me companion.

nightmares. yeah, haunted by nightmares. woke up sobbing. maybe i am just too tired recently. not so sober anymore.

smsed jojo, not going to college. gonna skip today's classes. i need a break, from everything, eagerly. still...feel like going home. going home might not even be one of the ways out from the chaos but at least i feel safe. home is always my shelter from everything, that's what i think.

i thought, this sem would be a better one. at least i won't be so emo anymore. guess that i'm wrong. i've learned to keep, everything, by wearing layers of masks. that's why, i guess. tearing down my layers of protection weakens me, in a way.

today's my last day of medication, i should be happy. finally, bye to pyelonephritis, bye to amoxicillin and antibiotics. no more needles and pains. i praise Him who gives and takes away.
two years, long enough to let me see who cares and who don't.


life changed. last year was a life-changing downturn for me. life's not the same, anymore. i try not to miss the old life, not so much at least. the passing away of my niece struck me down, miss florence, still. miss shawn, too. sometimes i just don't understand why such awful things happened, but somehow, i still managed to give thanks and i know that's not the end yet.

i need to grow, that's what people say. i need to be tough, that's what people tell me.
i need to learn and i tried, still trying.

*yawn* gonna go back to bed, chaos.

a prayer for today

Father,

You have given us freedom of choice.
today, Daddy, i ask that You may grant me wisdom, to choose.
i ask of a crystal clear heart to see.
i need a sober sound mind to decide.
Daddy, teach me because Your ways are forever higher than mine, i ask of Your will to be done rather than mine.
You know what is ahead of me and You are the one who knows what is the best for me.
i thank You that i am still able to open my eyes and look at this beautiful world of Yours today.
i thank You that i am still able to breathe, to think, to walk and to type.
i thank You that i still have a day ahead of me, whether it is a good one or not.
i give thanks, for all the loved one's that You've put in the path of my life.
i give thanks, for the people around me.
i give thanks, for all the circumstances that are yet to come, good ones, bad ones, every of it is a reminder of You are the God who is in control and i shall not fear. You are my shelter in the storms, my comfort in the chaos, my peace in the raging sea.
God, i surrender, everything that is in my heart. i commit fully into Your hands.
i promise, and i will keep it.

p/s: Daddy, can i ask for christmas presents? let's discuss about it privately, between us only.
love You, Dad, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

XOXOXO!

我不要讲骗话

昨天在他家，从于原本的讨论assignment变成玩jengga。>.<
~我们也几厉害一下~
输的人要选择truth or dare。
我最不喜欢的游戏。


我被问到一个很够力的问题
'when is the last time you lie to us?'
很无奈。
一个问题，要三个答案。
更厉害的是...要当着每个人的面讲。


我选择，不坦白。
不要怪我。

我不是没有讲过骗话，而是不想让大家难堪。
看到我们的关系跌到冰点，快乐吗？
我希望答案是否定的。


*** *** ***

最近，我的emo又回来找我。
发生了很多事，很乱。
才发现，有些决定，是错的。
当你把别人当交心的朋友，人家不一定是酱想。
最终，最安全的还是家。

在kL的这几年，学会了很多。
我学会了戴面具过日子。
不容易，很辛苦，必须要。

回家，最近一直在考虑。
家，始终是我唯一的靠岸。
我累了。
你不知道。

thoughts.

it started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word
wnd then that word grew louder and louder

just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never been this way before
all you can do is try to know who your friends are
as you head off to the war
pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light

now we're back to the beginning
it's just a feeling and no one knows yet
but just because they can't feel it too
doesn't mean that you have to forget



cut and paste from regina spektor's 'the call'.
got this song long ago, used to love it much.
'tll this morning, justen sent me this song again...it reminds me of a lot of things.
had a lil talk with him and found out that i've lost myself, long ago.
still, love the lyrics.
do you see what i see? do you hear what i hear?

Father,

im tired.
exhausted.
pull me out of this valley can ah?


ahhh..nevermind. maybe i'm just too tired.

5.25am.
stuck with ethics assignment.
sigh.
i know my fingers supposed to be on my assignment but not here.
but..i am just so sien >.<


thanks to rory who had been by my side all along since last night.
rushed here since he knew that i was sick and helped me to finished most of my parts.
i am really thankful of him.
and i shouldn't have fall sick. i feel so so so guilty!
rested for the entire yesterday till now and i feel even worse. fcuk.
whats wrong with me?!?!
it's all medicine's fault! >.<


a lot of not-so-good things happened recently.
more than i could take.
a lot of people told me that i should just rely on God...
yeah, just fully rely totally surrender.
i am trying my best loh.
homesick weii. kinda useless la me, and i know la...
the thoughts of running away from everything and go home will just appear again and again whenever things are out of control in life.
i did it before, and perhaps, i would disappear again. haha.
maybe la. home is always the shelter mah.


kinda lost touch with buddies recently.
aih.
miss the time we spent together so much.
been able to update myself a bit with the one in switzerland.
happy la budak tu, miss her much.
the forever big sister since we were in primary school. haha.
and while we were chatting in msn, she reminded me of something.

xxxxxx

Sui Yun Law says:
u sure kah?
Sui Yun Law says:
cakap saja pandai
Sui Yun Law says:
kau lama tak balik
Sui Yun Law says:
selalu tak balik
Sui Yun Law says:
=.=
Sui Yun Law says:
u punya rumah sudah pindah ke kl

xxxxxx

it sounds more like scolding horr...
makes me kind of guilty. kinda flew her lots of aeroplanes in the past few years.
wasn't able to go home after i promised her, almost everytime.
hmmm...i have gone home for 4 times for the past 4 years.
and i did not go home at all for the past one year. >.<
aisehh.. ku akan balik rumah very often ok?
don't boycott me la u all!


nahh..time to get back to assignment.
i am thankful, for all the great people who create great moments together with me in my life.
*smile big big*


loves loves.

be strong

somebody once told me…

“be strong. remember, not everything has a happy ending and endings don’t mean stop! it’s just a way of telling us that there’s a new beginning ahead of us. you should always be ready for the unpredictable and expect the unexpected. it’s easy to fall, hard to get up. but once you’re up and back on track, you will be a better person. that’s the way of life! you don’t just live it, you learn from it.”


i am still learning, to be a better person, a person who meets my parents' expectations.
i am still learning, to accept things and people which i hate the most in the past.
i am still learning, to smile, smile like how i used to... miss the smiling zoe, very much.

just came back from airport.
safe and sound.
lol.
was kinda sleepy this morning when i drove to the airport.
wonder how could a just-woke-up zoe drive worr..
by God's grace^^ and naggings from the passenger at the passenger seat loh>.<
my first time driving all the way to klia...wheeewhh!
HAPPY lahh!
finally im able to prove that im a 'capable' driver.
exclude those yawnings and speeding parts la..


did not really spend much time with sis during her stay in kl.
aissehh. i started to miss her the moment she stepped into the immigration hall.
able to catch up a wee bit with her during our 2hours waiting at the airport.
she has grown up, a lot.
no longer that lil girl that i know...mature liao loh!
the way she dealing with people, handling stuffs are much better as well^^
i am a proud sis. HAHA.
kinda homesick now. aih.
miss daddy mummy and everyone else.
eating breakfast alone, in front of my lappy, typing this...
pathetic hor >.<


gotta have assignment discussions later.
P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C loh!
so no life.

我以为
我可以若无其事
原来
我高估了自己

a lot of people told me that i've changed a lot since the start of this semester.
i am conscious about it and i've tried to maintain the changes that i've made in myself.


i no longer a short-tempered person.
i tell myself to keep, keep all the anger only to myself.
i become an emotional person.
i cry, i cry a lot in front of those i loved.


i am just so-not-zoe.
some say i've grown up to be maturer.
some say it's a good change in me.
some say i've came to know the real facts of life.
i don't want.
seriously.
it is just so weird to not to be myself.


i've learned a lot throughout this period of time.
though this sem hasn't come to an end yet...
i've learned a lot, a lot.
relationship with God, family, friends...
i stumble a lot, and it hurts.
i chose to keep it all, i chose to learn, i chose to let go...


mermaids say i am no longer the zoe they know.
i am kind of like detached from them.
the kind of life we used to enjoyed, indulged in.
no longer mine.
they are just so far far away from me, in a way.
still, we're besties ever.
still, they love me and pamper me as how i do to them.


i am miserable.
in front of crossroads, deciding which are the roads that shouldn't have to be taken.
someone please, decide for me.

我，不是

人群中哭着
我只想变成透明的颜色
我再也不会梦或痛或心动了
我已经决定了


我静静忍着
紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
回忆越是甜就是越伤人越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割


我不是真正的快乐
我的笑只是我穿的保护色
我决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把我的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳


这世界笑了
于是我合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是我的选择
于是我含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着


我不是真正的快乐
我的伤从不肯完全的愈合
为什么失去了 还要被惩罚
能不能就让悲伤全部结束
在此刻 重新开始活着

你, 不知道

你常问我开心吗
你不知道
你的笑容牵着我的嘴角


你常问我为什么难过
你不知道
你的难过充满我的眼里


你常叫我休息
你不知道
你的疲惫让我难受


看见你皱起的眉头
你不知道
你的生气让我担心


看不见你想念你
你不知道
我扬起嘴角眼泪笑了

原来

天使的翅膀 假的

我的眼泪 真的

原来

我也可以伪装

我可以假装坚强

原来

戴面具

一点都不难

我不会 再相信

life's never been easy since i entered year 2.
hectic la. hectic sangat.


had not been resting properly for past few days cos of assignments.
we've drafted all of the assignments' outlines and plannings but not much actual progress loh.

rory said he really loves our group this time. well. four of us in the same group for three assignments. wishing for the best la.

frankly speaking, all of us are still at the stage of getting to know each other more especially with
a new member in our group this time.

my life is basically about assignments, msn, mcd's and movies recently.
those are what we do when four of us get together, instead of really getting our fingers on assignments >.< cool not? it's kind of wasting our time, no offense la group members.


managed to take a break from everything last saturday.
went hiking with natalie and andrew's bunch of friends.

-bukit tabur-

it was at first a mission impossible for us. and it was really challenging la *swt*
we really thank God that we managed to get through it.
we, people of no training, know nothing about hiking, challenged one of the most dangerous mountains in kl. there were a few parts in the expedition where were really dangerous.
and yet, we made it, by the grace of God (=
thank andrew for the song, 'i see grace', that he played throughout the journey..it provided me strength and reminded me of the fullness of God's grace.
thank natalie for accompanying me^^ heart her so much!

a lot of people find that it is hard to get along with me.


zoe the gold digger.
zoe the cruel ever classmate.
zoe the impatient one.
zoe the fugly who complains a lot.
zoe the rubbish who has big mood swings.


well.
who cares?
love me or hate me.
get along with me or get lost!


i do not need anyone to judge my life.


judge me again and i'll make sure you fall flat in front of me

xp

feel like i am like a robot recently.

programmed.

the same routine everyday.

i've got no life!

i need a break!!

i did mention about this to a few of close friends recently.
and it is sort of an open secret between mermaids and i.. for years. xp


LOL.
alrights, here comes the old grandma story.

back to about 7 years ago, when i was only 14.. i had this huge crush on a guy. we went to the same tuition centre, which ws my most fav place cos there was where i could see him. haha.
and hmmmm...... ...... .....

i can't remember which year was it, most probably when i was in form2, my school was the main organisor for this mssm swimming competition thingie and as asual, mermaids and i were the selected or appointed few ones to help out in events(we're forever busy. haha. glamorous MERMAIDS!). this guy was in the competition too, he represented miri^^

and and and.. the three days event gave me the opportunity to really have a good look at him. and so happened that one of my friends who is also a representative swimmer for miri went and told him about my crush on him on the second day. >.<

but but but.. i really thanked her for doing so. lol. it was because... something happened laa on the third day.. HAHAHA. and as i could recalled, i was so happy. yeah, just happy!
the story just stopped there after that. he did not take further actions and so didn't i. pathetic.
the last time i saw him was after i graduated from high school, bumped into him in a shopping complex back in hometown. and the last time i heard about him was he was studying in uk, his family immigrated to somewhere in arab.

something brought him back to my memories months ago and i tried everything, just to find him. i even googled him, asked around my friends... but i just couldn't get track of him. kind of give up already la, finding someone who i barely know is just HAIH...

until yesterday, i tried facebook and i FOUND him.
HAHAHAHA.
was so happy. not that i still have the HUGE crush on him, it's just the happiness that somehow i finally found someone who i've been looking for... what should i call this...hmmm..sort of a childhood memory? i guess so. glad to know that he is doing well back in uk. =)))


i thank God for everyone in my life, including you who is reading this. somehow somewhere down the path of my life, some of you might leave me for whatever reason it is.. i breathe a lil prayer, i pray that God will bless you, protect you for every harm that may come your way. bless you, heart you.

hectic week.

college in the day time. serving in apostolic prog in the night time.
been rushing here and there for past few days and i am real exhausted.
and the weather, sigh.
met a minor car accident few days ago. SIEN.
and horr... my eyebags never leave me since college started. SIGH LOUD LOUD.


frankly speaking, i've tried my best to drag myself to college since the start of the semester.
and i did, at least attended most of the lectures and all the tutorials and practicals.
i have never been so rajin before. HAHA.
assignments are on their way. SIGH.
my no life kind of life is coming back looo.
did kinda badly for last semester's assignments, no high scores at all >.<



DRAW NEAR TO GOD AND HE WILL DRAW NEAR TO YOU.
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE.
wonderful promises of God!
(V)(V)(V)



upcoming things-to-do:
**another week of apostolic prog
** practicum confirmation for 3rd semester
**assignments assignments assignments
**missing you xD

it has been a while since i last camwhored.
been busy.
life's hectic.
and not in the mood to camwhore.
haha. cant believe that zoe-the-camwhorequeen saying this?


well.
here comes some updates.

camwhored in my pj xP

another pj xp

hmmm..this one. credits to jojo?
LOL*

apostolic programme intake 11 is just around the corner!
*countdown-ing*

anticipating...

great things gonna happen!
miracles signs and wonders!!



2 busy upcoming weeks...
pray for more strength and grace from God (=

went shopping these few days.
as im so free. *<*


not much things to buy.
couldn't see anything that i really feel like buying.
still..spent quite a lot..
did some shopping for mum and sis.
im a good daughter and sister lohh~
and got a pair of shoes for myself. x.x
the kind of shoes that i would rather cry whole day than wearing them on my feet when i was young. HAHA. mum gonna scream when she sees them.
i used to hate that kind of shoes when i was young... don't know why. just hate it.
but as i grow older...maturer actually. HAHA. i've fallen in love with this kinda shoes.
i know it looks kinda old school but H-E-Y old school ROCKSS!
LOL!



ohh..and a shirt which got a HUGE prints on the front.
how does it look it?
you'll know when you see la lohh~
it's just nice. not that kind of tops that i usually wear...
it's kind of..mmm.. COLORFUL?

and colorful socks!
a few pairs of them.
i know people gonna be like.. WHAT?!? u thought u still young meh!?!
well, i like ah! im still a kid ah! cannot meh!
smack me!


HAHA.
need to go and shop for intake11 AGAIN!
i HEART apostolic prog lots!
it means time to go shopping again. LOL.
though i need to get only formal clothes and those semi-formal ones...
well..spending money makes me feel good in a way.
smack me again!



by the way...
i wanna share a secret here.

shhhhhhhh~
only between us.


i am the kind of WOMAN
that when my feet hit the floor each morning
the devil says ' ohh crap, she's up!'


wink*
yes, i am now a WOMAN.
yes, i've got the authority which is given by my Father in heaven
that the devil will flee when i am around. *AMEN loud loud*

诚实地想你

世界忽然变形 忽然很安静
无助的我一秒间 失去重心
听你不停为我担心 看你不停离我而去
你 要我照顾自己


是我做了什麽 让天使生气
还是忘了做什麽 幸福远离
也许该要真的相信 有种爱叫远远关心
痛 却又哽住呼吸


我 用狂奔 用无力 用恶梦 去想你
我讨厌命运骄傲的神情
嘲笑我没半点权利决定


我 用痛哭 用回忆 用深爱 去想你
去体会什麽是迫不得已
越懂才越有勇气 诚实地想你


是不是 担心 我怕黑不敢前进
那颗 本来没坠落的流星
才拼命烧亮了自己



a song that i got from a friend this morning.
it truly describes my feelings.

anyway
it's gonna be alright.

God says
everything's gonna be alright.
He is my peace in the darkness, my peace in the ragging sea.
He is my comfort through every brokenness.
my shelter in every storm.

God says
zoe is not a mistake.
His plan for my future has always been filled with hope because He loves me with an everlasting love.
His thoughts toward me are countless as the sand on the seashore.
He desires to lavish His love on me simply because i am His child and He is my Father.


i gonna shine bright like never before.
for God.

i gonna surrender, all-out for God like never before.
like what Jesus did.

i gonna live for God, my one and only.
the one who loves me from the very begining.


i promise.

cheers.

love Jesus (=

have been keeping diary since 10th april 2008.

a story, which ended long ago.
a story, which i still wish to keep it going in my dreamland.

it's only a story.


going on.
moving on.
life goes on.
that's what everyone keeps on telling me.


perhaps
i am still as naive as ever.
i am still the same old me.
just that i do not cry anymore.
just that i lost my smiles and replace them with fake ones.


it has been a while since i last told you that..
I MISS YOU.


xoxo

kinda bad temper recently… maybe cos of this boring holiday.

how nice if i could sleep till the day this holiday ends >.<

arrrrhh!

so bored.

i’ve finished a lot of movies and a few dramas.

on my way finishing a book.

days are filled with boredom. but… i really love the weather.

it rains everyday.

which makes me feel real nice and can’t help myself but jumping around on the wet ground.

XXD who says adult cannot jump like a kid?

LOL*

though this hols do not turn out what it supposed to be…

( supposed to be a meaningful one? or an exciting one… im not too sure either xp )

i am enjoying half of the time…

still a long way to go till i get my ass back to college.

maybe i should let my brain to take a few days off you.

HAHA.

it’s kinda tired to miss you, sometimes.

just a few days, i wish i could.

narhhh… time to get my eyes back to movie and let my fingers to rest for a while.

by the way, have I told you today that…

I MISS YOU.

SO BORED.
been thinking shall i get you anything for coming christmas...
if yes, what shall i get you...


i am just too BORED.
been working on something since a week ago and it does not show any improvements nor results.
feel like giving up..
shall i?


do you know how pathetic i am?
totally no internet connection at home!
screw the internet company!!


i am just so pathetic >.<
saaveee meeee puhlissssss!

holiday >.<

what do I do everyday..

basically…

i sleep around 4am, woke up around 3pm. everyday.

watch drama, drama and drama for hours then lunch+dinner.

-just finished prisonbreak3, in the middle of season4.

**I HEART WENWORTH MILLER! LOL.

-looking forward to watch gossipgirl2 and moonlight resonance ep36-40 T.T

**I don’t know where to download TT.TT

-舞林大道 is nice la!

**I HEART esp one of the groups ..DANCE FLOW.. they rock!

online for a while…update myself a bit by reading some online news.

XD unbelievable?

ZOE READS NEWS!!

I started to read newspapers too… *proud*

after that, i’ll do some reading before i get to bed...

read some nice books just feel so RIGHT.

HAHAHA.

yes.. ZOE READS BOOKS!!

i am currently reading ‘The Power Of a Praying Teen’...

converse with God is just so NICE.

bought another book from kinokuniya the other day, hopefully i’ll be able to finish it before holiday ends.

*by the way, i just finished reading a chinese book couple of days ago*

CLAPSSSS to me! XXD

i do play with rainbow, my baby..when i am too bored. LOL*

isn’t she just adorable? *scream scream*

*muaks hugs hugs*

**thanks gorgor for sending me guaiguai the teddy as well**

and playing solitaire is my favorite pastime ^^

it’s an old game, I KNOW!!

but you see… it is kinda challenging..

okok..maybe for me only xp

well…

don’t need to remind me.

i know i am having a boring holiday…

time for me to charge up laa..

gonna go back to college in the BEST mentally-prepared condition.

hahahaha. HOPEFULLY la. >.<

reminder: being a psychology student majored in counseling is NOT easy.

Need to be really smart you know..

HAHAHA.

slap me!

i am not a princess.

my needs are more like a QUEEN.

XD

I MISS YOU!

Memories…
Sometimes they creep up at you,
Quite unexpectedly.
Dragging you back to a place…
You wish you’d never return to.
Bittersweet memories…
Of a past long gone…
Memories that were once moments…
Bringing back old wounds…
And familiar pangs of regret…
Glimpses of people and places,
That you want to escape from…
Wishing you could just let go…
Wishing you could just be free…
Leave them all behind, forever…
But then you never really do forget…
Because they cling to you.
Until little reminders bring them back to consciousness again…
And you feel the waves of nostalgia,
Washing over you…
Tears are threatening to fall…
Memories come in a stampeding rush.
Both the good ones and the bad…
But it’s the good ones that hurt more…
They’re the ones that stay longer…
They’re the ones you long for…
But the truth is…
That’s all they are now…
Just memories, floating in the wind…
Just memories…

relaxed too much since the previous paper.


next on: leadership skills
the notes are too brief la. how am i going to convert it into essays?
it is kinda scary to sit for a paper which i only attended lecture for twice (sleeping instead of listening) and a few times for tutorial class.

im worried but i can still enjoying myself xp
punch me please!


slept quite late last night, around 3sth..because of MOONLIGHT RESONANCE!
current status: downloading ep31... x.x
i'm so not in the exam mood la.


very happy with the new streamyx line at home *yuppie*
only like 4 lappies and a pc sharing the line.
downloadss downloadsss downloadssss!
downloaded few movies since yesterday.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(still HAHA-ing)

nahh!
need to babyseat starbucks-the-sick-meow now >.<

i was looking up at the stars

and giving them each

a reason why i love you

i was doing great

until i ran out of stars

欣仪 S

it has been a while since my previous post.

daaa!

was busy like a big bee and still busy as a big bee.

three more papers to go.

.. family counselling..
..basic management principles..
..leadership skills..

hopefully i will not get to re-sit la.. hell so worry!


been thinking about someone super often recently.
miss miss miss!
and i've planned something, only for you.
(= you know who you are *winksss*


owhh..was too bored last few days and dug out some of my old pics.
LOL*

ps1: i changed a lot la but i miss my smiles!

ps2: guess how old was i when these pics were taken?
hiakhiak*

life is still beautiful without you, anyway!

awe!!!
i love me too!

woman

a woman's heart should be so lost in

GOD

that a man needs to seek

HIM

in order to find her

p/s: i wish i could be a woman like this too! xD

i may not be perfect
but parts of me
are pretty awesome.

God is gracious

lil ivan is getting better.
breathing on his own without the oxygen tank.

i lift my hands and praise the God who is so great beyond words can describe!

p/s: Ivan means God is gracious (=

i was very sick, few days ago.

fever, cramps, migraines, stomachache.
i coudn't even walk properly.
i couldn't even control my limps.
i thought i was nearly to die, but God spares me.
He spares my life.

my condition turned better, yesterday.
my lame joke ability was once back.


setbacks.
fcuk!
it comes back.
starts with migraine again.
now.
i feel like cracking my head.
fcuk!!




i dont suffer from isanity
i enjoy
every minute of it!

a letter of thanks.

To my Father, Brother, Best Friend, and Savior…

im taking this chance to thank You for everything You’ve done for me. no words can describe how grateful im that You’re with me. all through my life, You never left my side, through the good times and the bad. i’ve been through so much, been through a lot of hurt and miserable moments, and through all that.

You’ve helped me overcome my fears, my doubts, my weaknesses. even when i thought i was at the edge of dying, You were there, saving my life. when i was grasping for air, You were there, comforting me. when i was struggling in pain, You were there. i never could have done it without You. You’ve reserved my life, more than once.

thank You so much… there have been times when i thought i couldn’t take the pain anymore, there were times when i felt i could no longer stand the loneliness, but You were there to comfort me and tell me that everything is going to be alright.
through wonderful people and things, You reached out to me and reminded me that life goes on.

Because of You, i saw that life is worth living, that there’s still so much in store for me, that i shouldn’t waste my life in unimportant things. You taught me how to trust, and You strengthened my faith. it wasn’t easy.

i’m so lucky to have You. thank You for protecting my heart, i feel so at peace when i know that You’re in control. i don’t ever wanna be without You. thank You for using me for Your glory. i love You so much and i owe You my life.


with all my heart,
Zoe <3

a lot of things happened recently.
good things bad things.

blessings still overflowing.
so overwhelmed by grace.




sylvia jiejie gave birth to lil ivan.
another cute one to join our gang ya..
doctor gonna remove the oxygen tank today.
hope that lil ivan will be strong and tough enough.




caleb and mabel's wedding.
a heart-warming one.
owwwhh..they made me feel like getting married too.
when's my turn?



had been soaking myself in medicine these few days.
from western medicine to chinese medicine.
call me miss medicine!


final exam is coming.
it is just around the corner. time flies. i cry.
>.<

heart Jesus <3


sometimes it's good
to forget how you feel
and
remember what you deserve!

another today

it's 11.34pm.

it's 15 august 2008.

got an sms from sylvia jiejie today.
lil ivan is still in icu but he is getting better.
God hears!
though those are only whispered-prayers.



im 21year and 29days old today.
it is such a blessing that i've been so far in my life.
almost a decade, at least, soon to come.


woke up very early today.
had been lazing around whole day.
favors from God.
favors from men.
indeed, im so blessed.


p/s: spring wedding rule no.1: NEVER OUTDRESSED THE BRIDE!





people who dont know me
think that im quiet
people who do know me?
they wish i was!

today

i laughed whole day.

my first time doing my devotion in the train today.
God assured me of a lot of things.
a lot of things which i've forgotten.
i give thanks.
heart Jesus <3

today was great, in a way.
i had fun though i wasnt really happy.
a bit fake horr.. >.<
im trying to get myself out of the mood swings, trying hard, I AM.

niapniap.
wiping my tears away with tissue paper.
i will be fine.

im Szoe.
im born to be tough.






im not emo
not gangster
not a jock
not popular
but im something
you aint gonna find
anywhere else

lil Ivan's day

yesterday, 12Aug2008, was lil Ivan's day!

sylvia jiejie is so brave!
becoming a mother and giving birth is indeed a NOT-EASY-TASK.




lil Ivan, ,must be strong ya!

do you still remember the few 'kicks' while i put my hands on your mummy's tummy?
your way of greeting me was so CUTE!
falling in love with you since then, the cute and indeed blessed one.


auntie Zoe wants to meet you, desperately.
auntie Zoe wants to hug you, tightly.
auntie Zoe wants to embrace you, with her love.
auntie Zoe wants to hold your lil fingers.
auntie Zoe wants to play with you, we play hide-and-seek k?


baby Ivan, be strong and stay strong ya.
gonna embrace you with prayers.
love you, sylvia jiejie and lil Ivan *hugs*




just wanted
to tell you that
auntie Zoe is so
incredibly happy
to have you in her life!
xoxo

mirrored reflection

when i look at myself in the mirror, i see an imperfect person.
someone who tries hard to fit in.
someone who tries hard to do her best in this insane world.



sometimes it’s hard when i see people around me and i get discouraged.
there is one thing i constantly remind myself, is never to let them destroy my faith and beliefs. it is because these are the things that make me the person that i am.

i refuse to let other people get me down, at least im trying my best to do so.
the world may have so much evil in it, but it’s also full of good… of love and hope. that’s what i want to incorporate into my own world.
someday, i’d like to look at myself in the mirror, and what i’d want to feel is contentment.

more than anything else, i’d like to look at myself and be satisfied about how i lived my life. when all else is said and done, i’d like to be able to smile and say to myself, i did my best.





laugh louder
hug harder
love longer

it's my life
remember that
when you talk about it

hot sun tanned me

the sun is so bright out there.

>.<

my umbrella starts to complain already!

time to get suntanned? perhaps.




tanned enough?

im just so perfectly imperfect =p




smile.
its the second best thing
you can do with your lips.
whats the first best thing?
use your brain to think la!
xoxo

today

had been sleeping since 11pm last night..till 11.15am just now.

11pm, a new record for me! LOL*
i have never get the chance to sleep before 12 since last year.

sometimes im really proud of myself that i can stay awake to the next day and continue with classes without getting fainted. of course i do yawn hell lots la.
gosh..am so proud!

well. one of the reasons i went to bed early last night was..I DIDNT GET THE CHANCE TO WATCH OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONY! hell. so sien. i want to watch the fireworks la T.T
that made me regretted *for a moment* to be in kL..else i was sure goyang kaki-ing in front of the tv with popcorns in hands, amazed at the fireworks performance, at HOME.
-dreaming-


owwhh..was chatting with gorgor in msn last night.

********
(8:10 PM) Lex: meimei...
(8:10 PM) S Z o e: gorgor
(8:10 PM) Lex: u must take care ok
(8:10 PM) Lex: gorgor going to beijing tom
********
(8:25 PM) Lex: u know hor
(8:25 PM) Lex: tickets r really cheap LOH
(8:25 PM) Lex: u wana come with gorgor
(8:25 PM) Lex: haha i kidnap u to beijing
********
(8:27 PM) Lex: aiya
(8:27 PM) Lex: im gonna watch LIVE
(8:27 PM) Lex: lolz
********
(8:43 PM) Lex: i think next week gorgor still in BEIJING
(8:43 PM) SZoe: >.<
(8:43 PM) Lex: muahahhahahaa
(8:43 PM) SZoe: i wanto punch u!!!
(8:43 PM) SZoe: u go for how long?
(8:43 PM) Lex: as long as i want
(8:43 PM) Lex: lolz
(8:44 PM) SZoe: >>.<<
(8:44 PM) Lex: meimei come la
********


gross! where got people like this one! this snoopy is going to beijing to watch live olympic!!
wait laa..i gonna send assassins to beijing to SLAUGHTER u! hiakhiak.
oowwhhhh.. >>.<<'''

I WANT TO GO TOO laaaaaaaa!!
*sobbing*


annahhhhhh~
very sien. got nothing better to do.
assignments are all done. presentations are all done.
one more midterm on coming tues and i will be FREE for couples of weeks before the final exam.
*planning planning planning*

caleb and mabel's wedding on coming saturday.
what to wear to a spring wedding?
any suggestions?
highheels? sneakers? slippers?
black? blue? red?
tshirt? dress? lalastyle?
*scratching my head*


gotta go prepare myself.
gym later.
phhhffftttt..it has been a while (=




an apple a day
keeps the doctor away
but if the doctor is cute..
screw the fruit xp

恩宁

很久不见的老朋友
真的很久

谢谢你昨天的陪伴
很开心

最近忘记了怎么笑
谢谢你替我找回我的笑声

见到你
我才发现 我真的很想你
潘式的无厘头 潘式的瞎
潘式的无聊 潘式的笑容

一切一切
我都很怀念
我也都记得

KL废废记之唯一明星照！


只有跟你在一起，我才敢这么废。
哈哈！突然觉得，我们真的很可爱！（厚脸皮-ing）
为什么我看起来很像瞎子？！？
味虾米？！？！


恩宁经典语录（1）

Szoe: 你有几个肺？
EnNing: 一个..嗯..两边!
Szoe: 哈哈..是一对啦!
EnNing: 对噢..我有一对肺..
Szoe: .....
***（EnNing 很认真..）***

恩宁经典语录（2）

EnNing: 鞋是sepasang...
Szoe: 是sebelah啦...
EnNing:不是sepasang咩?
Szoe: 是sebelah啦...
EnNing : 是哦!?!?
Szoe: 哈哈哈！
*** （EnNing 的马来文真得很差!）***

恩宁经典语录（3）

Szoe: 哇!三个巧克力十一块而已!
EnNing: 是啰！一个才两毛二！
Szoe：?!?!?!
*** （待在泰国太久数学会变差?）***


很希望 时间可以停留
酱我们就可以废久一点

要保重！
(V)(V)(V)


p/s: 你说在MC那里有一个男生的感觉跟我很像。所以吖，你回去以后，每当你见到他，跟他打招呼之余，你也要在心里默默地跟在马来西亚的我say hi!

**我很像很无聊...跟你学的！**

Passion Kuala Lumpur

PASSION KUALA LUMPUR is a gathering for UNIVERSITY-AGED young people throughout Malaysia and South-east Asia. Believing in the university moment, and what God longs to do in this strategic window of time, the entire event will focus on the bigness of God, calling students to PRAYER, WORSHIP and ACTION, and a Story so much bigger than their own.

The heartbeat of PASSION KUALA LUMPUR is to:

ENCOURAGE the CHURCH
Foster UNITY among those who love JESUS
Spark VISION for the UNIVERSITIES of Kuala Lumpur and the nation
Tell the STORY of REDEMPTION in compelling ways
INSPIRE students to EMBRACE their part in God's global plan for the NATIONS


not interested to go at first.
i thought it was just another concert, something similar to the my-never-missed-ps concert.


hmmm...i WENT. LOL*
**it was because kitty couldnt make it at the last minute, so there was THIS extra ticket.
**half 'forcing' by my lovely yet cute cellmembers and they tempted me with lacoste. which means, if im going then i can bring my cute lacoste xp

lacoste at Passion KL!


everyone loves lacoste! LOL*


we had fun!


wristbandssss!


with the tall tall guitarist ^^



it was indeed an awesome concert.
the spiritual atmosphere was awesome, the band, the worship, the stage setting everything was awesome. really worth it for a rm20 ticket xxp
it was awesome to worship together in one heart one mind one sound with 4000 young people..unity makes the difference!

anyways,i heart the songs!

++ Chris Tomlin is sooo kawaii!!


++ Charlie Hall is cute if he doesnt have the weird long beard.


both of them are truly gifted with nice voices.

Louie Giglio's just fantastic!



this is not merely a concert. it was truly God's mighty move in our nation.
everyone appeared in the concert was all about one name, one story and one fame-JESUS! (V)(V)(V)
the message was powerful and heart-touching. Holy Spirit worked in everyone's heart and i believe that there is something supernatural been sown into our nation, our generation. (= we gonna make JESUS famous in our generation!



i especially heart the song, 'God of this city'..
"and greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city"
yeah, greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in our city, in our nation and in our generation.


they were showing KL pictures while this song was played. the most awesome part was everyone raised their hands and sing it unto KL, proclaimed it over KL and we gonna make Jesus famous here in KL!


***Passion's blog:
http://268generation.com/blog/2008/08/beautiful-kuala-lumpur/

Szoe hearts Jesus.
Szoe, theoneJESUSloves.
xoxo

taa-daa~

the only video that i had during my 6day-stay in miri.

everyone was busy chitchating loh! didn't even have the time to camwhore puaspuas with me T.T

anyways, still miss the good time i spent in miri. a short break after a year in kl.
im SATISFIED ^^*

p/s: i am actually not DARK geh lohhh~ it's the lighting in the restaurant!! takkan they on the light while people celebrating birthday..LOL*
THEY DIMMED THE LIGHT!!

randomness

today's the last day of birthday month (=

not feeling quite well since i get my ass back from miri.
and i eat a hell lot!
FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD...

i got nothing in mind to write but i just feel like blogging.
awwwh. migraine x.x dizzy z.z


i hate people who pretend they care about me when really it's obvious they don't give a shit.
:. i am not blind, i know who really cares about me and who doesn't. i am not as dumb as i look.



when i get tired of shopping, i sit down and try on shoes.
:. money is not a matter. my Heavenly Father provides me everything!!



i'm actually not a bitch, you just have a low bullshit tolerance. YOU!
:. yeah, i am not a bitch. i am THE bitch!



most girls blend in, but my mermaids prefer to make a scene! xoxo
:. it's hard to get GORGEOUS mermaids and i am the lucky one.
:. junjune, huihui, pampam, diadia and phiaphia. love ya (v)



it's amazing how gorgor always seems to make me smile (=
:. yes, he is a snoopy. jealous? im ultraman by the way.



sometimes i put up walls not to keep others out but to see who cares enough to tear them down.
:. i dont only put up walls, i drive people up the wall too.



i no longer smile like i mean it.
:. but i know how to show a fake smile.



unless you lived my life, dont judge me! you dont know, never have and never will know every little thing and detail about me.
:. monkeys out there! GO GET A BRAIN..owhh sorry. YOU NEED BRAINS! don't ever judge me anymore. i am happy with who i am, what i have done and everything i have. i've got the attitude and it's very sad that you DON'T have one!



i dont stab friends in the back, i stab them in the face!
:. can't take my stabbings? get lost then. i don't need people who are too fragile in my life!



im not short, im funsized!
:. i don't despise those who are tall, i admire!



love to be



p/s: i miss you