i am wearing black today.

disappointment comes, when you least expect it.
it hurts a lot.
especially when it is from someone who you trusted your heart/life with.

throughout the years being away from home, i've learned.
learn to be more independent. learn to be tough.
learn to be strong. learn to never being defeated by the reality.
learn to see things from the whole perspective.
learn to be invulnerable. learn not to cry easily.
i have learned that i need to work hard, if i desire/want to have something.
i have learned everything that turned me into someone who i was not and someone who i am now.


growing up is totally no fun.
the older i grow, the more i want to be free from what i'm in now.

i had dreams, a lot of dreams recently.
dreams of the past, the beautiful ones.
i dreamt that i was a kid again, smiling and laughing happily.
nightmares, the ugly ones.
more of the things happened in these few years and very often i wake up finding tears on my face.

i know. i know what exactly i am supposed to do. i know.
there are decisions that are waiting to be made, i am just too afraid of what will happen next.
i feel like running away from the reality.
i want to live in my dreams, the beautiful ones.

i want to fly kite, the kite will fly so high that it might be able to touch the rainbow in the sky.
i want to be at the beach, close my eyes and listening to the wind.
am i too greedy, for asking so much?
perhaps.

well, it's okay to be vulnerable once in a while i guess.
it's not gonna hurt anyway.





i wish i was there, to sing you off to sleep,
for the days when i am gone.